he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
