i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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