Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
