So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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