so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
