for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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