as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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