these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
