I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
