My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
