Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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