what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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