By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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