dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
