apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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