Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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