you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
