i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
