All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
