I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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