I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
