Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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