everyone is single if you try hard enough
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
