shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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