Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
