Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize