oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
