Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
