Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
