Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
