you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize