Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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