i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
