He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
