By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
