no, he came in my armpit
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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