I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
