i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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