I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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