i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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