Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
