I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
