Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
