please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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