She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
