seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
