I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
