the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
