Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
