Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
