Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it hurts more in the daytime
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
