Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Randomize
