Me too!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
