i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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