it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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