I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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