Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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