He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My dick has a subreddit
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
