She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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