took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
