I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
