my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
this will be a night to untag.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
