It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize